Singing is a state of mind

Ever since I got into the Toronto Children’s Chorus in 1999, I’ve thought of myself as a pretty decent singer.  Not only was I in the choir, I was in the most elite subgroup, and I had a solo here and there.

Somehow, in the 5 years that I didn’t sing as an undergrad, I forgot to sing in front of people.  When I tried out for Onoscatopoeia in 2008, I was horrified to hear my voice shaky, nervous, short of breath.  I knew that I could sing better than this!  I practiced at home, and I always sounded solid!

In the past 2 years that I’ve been in Oscat, I’ve enjoyed myself thoroughly and have grown a lot as a singer.  And I do sing at my best in my choir.  However, I was so shaken by my audition that I had lost a lot of confidence in my voice as a soloist.  This year, I decided to give myself a push to try out for a solo.  I’m not deaf, if anything, my ears are quite well developed.  I knew that I wasn’t the best candidate, but I really wanted to force myself to sing in front of people again.  I wasn’t invested in the solo, because I knew there were others who would be a much better fit for the song.

So I tried out, even though I lost my nerve at the end, my friends encouraged me.  Well, same old, same old.  Shaky, nervous, short of breath.  I wasn’t embarassed so much as frustrated with myself, because I knew that I could sing better.  Every time I practiced it, I sounded fine.  Not perfect, but fine.  Solid.  Reliable.

I’m surprised at how much my mind affects my voice.  What a silly reason to sound less than my best.  So, even though I doubt I’ll ever get a solo, I think I’ll continue to try out for songs, just to get me singing for people again.  For goodness sake, I’m even shy to sing in front of my boyfriend.

As the Koreans would say: Whiting!

One Response to “Singing is a state of mind”
  1. Godfrey says:

    It’s been years. I find it surprising that you stopped singing. Glad to hear that you’re getting back into it.

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